But if you want to be hot, get skinny. If not, get fat. It's yourcall.9. How did you survive with all the coke, alcohol and abuse Jack put youthrough? Are those memories as painful today as you remember thosedays?Some are. I never asked to be punched or treated like shit. I neverasked to be raped. Those things stay with you - and not in a good way. Overall though, the drugs and the drink and stuff, I did that to myself.10. Do you read the entries and get aroused by the memories? Or do youjust view them as what you needed to do to become the woman you aretoday?More the latter. I think some of the things I've done are really hot.Problem is, in a lot of cases, I wasn't happy with myself and my body atthose times, so I don't always see the beauty of a woman being takenwhen I close my eyes; I see the extra half inch of fat at my midsection.Not always, mind you, but sometimes. I was always chasing perfection.In a lot of ways I still am. The difference is, I'm happy with me now. I. I hate being forced to move into a new cover, even if only because Ihate being forced to do anything.That is why I so desired what the Syndicate offers. That's why I joined,all those years ago.Absolute Power over any and all is quite the drawcard.I won't pretend that it wasn't often hard, but I won't pretend that itwasn't worth it either.And I won't pretend that I've ever regretted it, even for an instant.What's the alternative, anyway? If you're not in the Syndicates, thenwhat are you?Nothing. A bug. A plaything for whatever Wielder seeks an afternoondiversion.There are the Whitehats, of course, but they're rarely more than acasual nuisance. They lack the will to really exercise the Power in theway that it likes to be exercised.Their loss.Their inestimable loss.But, even so - and my irritation aside - I can never afford to let eventhe niggling annoyances of the Whitehats pass unpunished.The Syndicate is based on loyalty, and if an underling is disloyal, thensteps must be taken.I knew.
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